To be in flow means to live and work with minimal frictions, especially unnecessary frictions, to live and work with ease and grace.
How do we do that?
We have to know where we are and where we want to go. Let’s start with where we are. What creates frictions?
- Other people—some more than others.
- Disappointments.
- Irritations.
- Frustrations.
- Risks and dangers.
- Competition, especially unexpected or unfair competition.
- Unrealistic desires and ambitions.
- Unrealistic expectations
- Stagnation; blocks.
- Attacks.
This list is not exhaustive and it is not analytic: the items are not mutually exclusive.
Generally speaking, to be in flow, three things have to be in sync: where we are, what we want and what we can. Our situation, our ambition and our abilities.
Of these three, ambition - what we want - is most easily changed. Changing our situation means other place of living, other work or other people around is. Changing abilities means learning new things, which may require a lot of time and effort.
So the first question is: what can we change practically? The first option always to consider is what we can change in our mind. And do we want to change our mind?
In my own life, the main factors that hinder me to be in flow are irritations and disappointments. Disappointments are more easy to get rid of than irritations—for me. But both respond to the right kind of meditation. If meditation doesn’t suffice, some therapy is indicated. Of yourself. Don’t expect others to change. If they do, great, but no expectations!
Always, always, start with changing your mind-set. Only than go for the bigger changes. First of those is to change the people you interact with. The most difficult is family. The second is close colleagues at work. Communications and interactions can be changed—if both parties are open to that. Don’t expect too much.
There is the saying: “What is the greatest misunderstanding between men and women? Women think they can change their men, men think that their women stay the same.”
Try once, try twice, try thrice. But not more. Change you life or change your expectations. Let go of unrealistic expectations and minimize your irritations.
Kurt Lewin, a psychologist, known for his field theory, said that people have only five problems: two frustrations and three conflicts:
Wanting something positive you are blocked from attaining.
Wanting to leave something negative that you are stuck with.
Having to choose between two evils.
Having to choose between two goods.
Being with something that is positive and negative at the same time.
Pick your choice.
Martin Seligman, an other psychologist, found out what made people happy:
Find something you love and do that, preferably with people you love.
Find something that is really meaningful for you.
Find something that absorbs you, that makes you forget the time.
He called the last option the life of flow.
If we are in flow, we forget the time. And our actions become natural, even graceful.
An old French saying is that life is like a children’s shirt (une chemise d’enfant): short and messy. Make it long and clean.
What do you love? What is meaningful to you? What makes you forget the time?
